Friday, September 18, 2009

NEVER GRADUATE: Temple Edition

In preparation for the Penn State-Temple showdown I thought we'd bring in a Temple grad to give an idea of what gameday is like for a fan of the Owls (specifically the Penn State game). This was a blow-by-blow account of last year's gameday experience.

THE LIFE OF A TEMPLE FAN (An Eye Witness Testimony)
By John Yackabonis (Class of '08)

I woke up like I usually do: sticky, frustrated and unconsciously suckling at a bottle of Beefeaters like it was the sour teat of some great alcoholic mother-goddess. I rolled out of bed and, again as usual, cried for 15 minutes out of regret for the previous night’s mistakes. But eventually I sobered up (that’s just a turn of phrase, mind you) and remembered my new goal in life: go to the Temple game. First I have to turn off Bloodsport, which is is still on cause I need it to fall asleep, and because I was raised right.

To get myself going I stare at the best poster in the world (pictured right).

Alright I'm ready to go. Still not knowing who Temple plays like always, it'll be a good game either way. Temple's football program is comically bad and every now and then they do win an exciting game. Ok let's get the roommates up. Everyone gets into the car, sweet everyone is doing well this morning: 4 cases, the grill, and a football. This is gonna be good.

There's alot of traffic around the stadium, this sucks, I'm already frustrated. What are all these people doing here?!? Awwww shit it's Penn State Weekend... Great I wanna blow my brains out. Philadelphia already sucks, but now it's invaded by Central PA-ers and people of that ilk. I realize this is going to end 1 of 2 ways for my Owls Case 1 and Case both cases Temple is the villian. I call Reed to tell him I might kill myself, he replied with a "I can only tell you one thing... Do it!".

Finally we get into the parking lot. Lot C is full, this is some kind of nonsense. Ok are our troops are spread out all throughout the parking lot, we all get together. The tailgate is going well there's no mention of football of any sort at this tailgate. Topics such as stealing hot air balloons, fake dog testicles that cost $10,000, and compressions syndrome are littering our conversation. In the mean time every PSU beatoff either has to tell us how their going to kick our ass or yell "We Are Penn State" as they walk by... COOL.

Finally get into the stadium, it's packed, yes! We'll be in the MAC for another year thanks to attendence, we've already won. In the mean time I realize our front row seats are taken, ugh I have to sit in the student section with the rest of the mouthbreathers and shitnecks, that actually think Temple's program is turning around and we could win this game. I think my roommate is coming down with him, as I start walking down he stands still, I ask his he coming? He replies with "Down there? No. But go get'em... Tiger" and gives a firm slap on the ass.

Welp as thought we're getting stomped out. Yes, the Diamond Gems Dance Team is here though, they'll cheer me up. And they do, I start yelling to Kristen, they only Diamond Gem that will talk to me, and boy does she regret that friendship. Eventually she grants my request and comes over and asks me to please stop yelling at her, I play coy as usual. I try to tell her a joke, she already knows where this is going and replies with "Yea, I know what's in your pants, I get it," but I continue anyways and she got it.

Yup the game goes by as a blur, no real Temple highlights, but no real PSU highlights, at least Bowling Green puts up 80 on us and has 7 top 10 plays. Yeah walking out of the stadium every jackass PSU fan has to remind me how much my team sucks and how "State Rules!". Thanks again guys the only way I wouldn't realize that is if I was retarded, blind, or a bag of Fritos. I don't know what their feeding these guys in Happy Valley, but these guys know things they should teach, teach the world.

Needless to say I would be proud too if my team beat the snot out of a terrible team too, but Temple can't even beat Villanova... that was an adventure though. And yes our program is a bunch of candyasses, but your PSU, WHY are you playing us?

If you wanna be big dogs, stop pooping with the puppies. Needless to say I have a strong distaste for PSU fans at games, I like them away from games, but at games PSU fans are some sort of animals. You're no Central Michigan fans, those people are at least nice in victory and in defeat.

And Billy, get your hands off Floyd he could be our biggest recruit EVER.


1 comment:

  1. "Keep an eye out for ya Stringray"