Ladies and gents, the running diary is back! We’re coming to you live from a new college football headquarters in The Big Apple. We’ve got a crowd of five here to witness the first night game ever in the history of the biggest and amazingly not loud Michigan Stadium. Let’s get to it!
7:59 Our first look at The Big House. IT’S NOT EVEN NIGHT YET! YOU FAILED! There have still been zero night games in The Big House.
8:01 First look at the retro jerseys. They’re fine, I just hate the helmet. Why the hell are we bringing back anything from the Kucharich Era?
8:07 And here come the Wolverines tapping their little sign. Will Hoke try to get up and touch it? Yes! He gets there! A victory for fat people everywhere! Good for him!
8:08 HEEEEEERE COME THE IRISH! They don’t seem particularly fired up. I’m hoping that it’s just because they’re focused and ready to kick some ass.
8:11 Catholic School Girl Throwback Cheerleader Outfits? Meeeeeh…
8:12 There was a lot of buildup for how sweet the flyover was going to be. What’d they do? An old cargo plane. Sweet, Michigan. You want to impress me do something like Iowa.
8:14 Dr Flanagan gets the week off, it’s Erin Andrews’ time to shine! BK is rocking a phenomenally stylish visor. He seems so in control, I bet he doesn’t yell at all this whole game. The Irish have won and deferred.
8:16 Manti Te’o STUFFS the ‘Nard Dog on second down. IN YOUR GRILL ALL DAY #16!
8:18 Three and out for the Skunkbears. Couldn’t ask for a better start. My heart stopped a second when Goodman fielded that punt, but we’ve successfully not screwed up out of the gate. I feel like the fact that my reaction right away is “good, we haven’t screwed up yet” is a sign we’ve still got a long way to go.
8:19 One play, one first down on the ground. Cierre for 11. Beautiful.
8:21 Great throw by Tommy to Michael Floyd for a huge gain.
8:22 Rees fumbles the snap and disaster almost strikes, but we recover.
8:23 TOOOOOUUUUCCCCCHHHDDDDDOOOOOOWWWNNNNNN IRISH!!!!! REES TO RIDDICK ON 3RD AND GOAL FOR A TOUCHDOWN. TALK ABOUT YOUR BEST CASE SCENARIO. Ruffer splits the uprights and it’s 7-0 good guys.
8:28 The defense has come out with guns blazing. Back-to-back tackles by KLM and it’s third and long.
8:29 Another three and out for the Skunkbears. Uhhhhh ohhhhhh….you’re not in San Diego anymore, Mr. Hoke.
8:30 Most conservative fair catch ever there. Whatever, we’ve got the ball.
8:33 One play, another first down on a dump to Jonas Gray.
8:34 Another big run for the Irish. The offensive line is MAULING Michigan right now.
8:37 Musberger comments that “Brady Hoke’s defense is under fire from the Irish early.” Yeeeeeeeep!
8:40 A slant to Michael Floyd has the Irish inside the 10-yard line with 2:40 left in the half. Come on boys, pound it in there.
8:42 TOUCHDOOOOOOWWWNNNN IRISH!!!!!!! CIERRE WOOD BUSTS UP THE MIDDLE BASICALLY UNTOUCHED TO ADD TO THE NOTRE DAME LEAD. The Irish are MANHANDLING the Skunkbears right now. Talk about just what the doctor ordered. Bust out the whine and cheese in The Big House. 14-0 IRISH.
8:45 Denard tries to roll out and make something happen but he’s completely swarmed by Ethan Johnson and Ishaq Williams among others for a loss. Good to see Ishaq cracking the lineup.
8:46 Robinson takes a quarterback keeper on the next play for a first down. Damn he’s fast.
8:47 INTERCEPTION GARY GRAY!!!! Denard can’t even complete a screen pass let alone a real pass. He sails it on the last play of the corner and Gray dives to make the easy pick. GAS THEM IRISH, SEND 114,000 PEOPLE HOME IN TIME TO CATCH THE START OF MADTV.
8:53 Three and out for ND. Damn, what a lost opportunity there. Out trots the shankopotomus who thankfully doesn’t completely blow it. Michigan ball at the 13.
8:58 Big run by the ‘Nard Dog.
9:02 The Irish hold and it’s another punt for the Skunkbears. A negative return for Goodman. That brings his career averge to -1.0 yards per return with 18 fair catches. Ugh.
9:06 HUGE play for Floyd on first down taking a swing pass in the flat, undressing the DB, and picking up 25 yards.
9:08 ND burns its final timeout with 11 minutes left in the second quarter. Wow, I hate to say this out loud but that’s Davie-esque. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite us in this footbawww game.
9:10 Interception Tommy Rees. Terrible throw, terrible decision. This is the big reason I haven’t been able to buy into him. He’s very turnover prone for a guy that’s a purported “game manager.” Michigan ball at the ND 45.
9:12 Touchdown Michigan. Bomb/prayer to the left sideline. Crap. 14-7 Irish. Need to bounce back and put together a drive here. Get back to pounding the ball.
9:20 And BK answers my request with a handoff to Cierre Wood—huge run on second down.
9:23 Back-to-back penalties from Notre Dame 2nd and 26.
9:24 Well, time to go back to the well that is Michael Floyd. Big #3 snares a lob down the right sideline for 25.9999999 yards, bringing up a 3rd and one inch.
9:25 First down, Irish.
9:26 I just noticed the Ben Hogan referee hats. Do you think they refer to the players as “laddie?”
9:29 Michael Floyd picks up another third down. Irish rolling.
9:30 Interception on the goal line. DAMNIT TOMMY. Rees if 4 for his last 10 with 2 INT’s.
9:32 Three and out for the Skunkbears. Denard is just a terrible passing quarterback. He’s made for the spread and nothing else.
9:35 Jonas Gray picks up a first down on 3rd and 5 right up the gut.
9:38 Drive stalls. Ruffer comes in and splits the uprights and ND goes up 17-7 with 1:45 left. I can’t say I’m upset.
9:42 Michigan takes a knee and we head to the half. Brady Hoke gets interviewed on his way into the locker room and once again everyone is reminded of how he has such an unfortunate voice for a big, burly dude.
Let’s take a look at the halftime stats.
Total Yards: Notre Dame – 268…Michigan – 94
(43 Yards of that came on a prayer…what a performance by the defense)
Denard’s Statline: 2 of 9 for 48 yards…7 carries for 40 yards
(He is a TERRIBLE passer…completely hopeless)
ND Rushing: 18 rushes for 102 yards, 5.7 per carry
(Great job by the Irish offensive line…75 yards for Cierre…thrilled about this)
Turnovers: Michigan – 0…Notre Dame – 2
(Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb)
We need to step on their throats. The gap between these teams is very large; we can’t let them hang around. It’s time to start developing a killer instinct tonight.
10:07 The Irish receive the second half kickoff and they’re already on the march. Cierre Wood rips off another big run and he’s up to 98 yards for the evening.
10:09 The drive stalls and Turk actually does a great job fielding a terrible snap—Jordan Cowart, wake the hell up and remember how to snap a football, IT’S YOUR ONLY JOB—and pins the Skunkbears at the 11 yard line.
10:13 First play is a 39-yard run by the ‘Nard Dog. Shit.
10:15 Hoke has given up his offense and is going back to the “Here Denard, just take it and run” offense. The Irish have responded and it’s 3rd and long.
10:16 The Irish hold and it’s time for another punt. WAY TO STEP UP DEFENSE!
10:20 HUGE RUN by Jonas Gray, 38 yards. JAM IT DOWN THEIR THROATS BOYS!!!
10:22 Fumble Cierre Wood and Michigan recovers. COME ON, GIVE ME A GODDAMN BREAK. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO LEARN TO STEP ON A TEAM AND BURY THEM.
10:25 Michigan picks up a conversion on third down on pass. Whenever something good happens through the air for them I’m completely shocked.
10:25 INTERCEPTION ZEKE MOTTA! ‘NARD DOG IS SOOOOO BAAAAAAAD.
10:26 First play is a huge run by Cierre Wood…24 yards. Way to bounce back #20.
10:28 Michael Floyd picks up another conversion on third down. PUNCH IT IN IRISH.
10:30 Dayne does a great job helping Cierre stretch his wrist on the sideline. See, he’s the consummate team player.
10:31 That should’ve been pass interference in the endzone on Floyd. Bullshit.
10:32 TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWNNNNNN IIIIRRRRRRIIIIISSSSSHHHHHH! TJ JONES ON THE CROSSING PATTERN! THE IRISH HAVE TAKEN COMPLETE CONTROL OF THIS GAME. Let’s see if ‘Nard Dog can pass them back.
Wait, let me think about that…HAHAHAHAHAHA.
10:37 Of course the first play is a huge pass and it’s first and goal Michigan. Robert Blanton saves a touchdown coming across from the other side of the field. Well ain’t that some shit.
10:40 It’s 3rd and goal from the one foot line as the 3rd quarter ends. If we could get a stop here the game is over. As well as we’ve played I don’t feel good about containing Denard short of the endzone here.
10:45 Michigan gets STONED AT THE LINE, FUMBLES, AND PICKS UP THE GODDAMN BALL AND SCORES. You. Have. To. Be. Kidding. Me. That’s the luck of Notre Dame football over the last two decades. Unreal. Notre Dame 24, Michigan 14.
10:48 Terrible return by Riddick backs ND at the 10-yard line.
10:51 Wood picks up 8 big yards on 2nd down. Setting up a third and short.
10:51 Cierre Wood is dragged down behind the line and it’s three and out for Notre Dame. This is what happens when you let them hang around. The feeling nausea of nausea from 2009 is rumbling…
10:52 Ben Turk shanks a punt. This is the 54th time I’ve written that in two years. Still no one has stepped up and maimed him. That should basically count as a turnover. How the hell can you be Reggie Roby in practice and be this incredibly terrible whenever we need you to show up???? Michigan’s ball with momentum and great field position.
10:55 Dan Fox snipes ‘Nard Dog on first down for a five yard loss. COME ON BABY, BURY THEM.
10:55 Play action throw to the fullback goes for 15 and a first down. Damnit.
10:57 Michigan’s fifth play of this drive means it’s the longest drive of the night. They have not had a drive longer than four plays all night and yet they’re still alive. Unbelievable.
11:00 Touchdown Michigan. Gary Gray gets burned. Unreal. Absolutely terrible. Notre Dame 24, Michigan 21. This is atrocious. That sickening feeling is back in full force.
11:02 Great return by Theo Riddick gives the Irish good field position.
11:03 Holding on second down backs Notre Dame up for a 2nd and 15.
11:05 Zero yards on a pass to Floyd. Third and a mile. And then we burn a timeout.
11:06 REES DELIVERS A STRIKE TO EIFERT FOR 20 YARDS. LADIES AND GENTS, THAT’S YOUR FIRST BOB DAVIE DROP THE H-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE OF THE NIGHT!
11:08 Another first down on a slant to Floyd, Irish at the Michigan 30.
11:10 Another Irish first down thanks to pass interference on TJ Jones. Irish ball at the 6-yard line. PUNCH IT IN.
11:11 Fumble, Tommy Rees. Michigan recovers. WOW. He just dropped the ball as he tried to throw. Mark it down, this is the first moment where I feel like we can lose this game. Please for the love of all that’s holy make it not so.
11:12 Denard delivers a strike for a first down BUT there’s a holding call. Huge call. COME ON IRISH, DIG DEEP.
11:14 Denard throws a jump ball into double coverage and Hemingway comes down with it at midfield. Tack on another 15 yards for a late hit and Michigan is on the 30 with under five minutes left. Harrison Smith and Zeke Motta…what the hell were you doing?!?!?!
11:15 INTERCEPTION ROBERT BLANTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A PLAY BY RJ, HOLY SHIT, THAT’S A POTENTIAL GAME SAVER.
11:18 Notre Dame once again gets stuffed on 3rd and 1 and has to punt. Turk actually gets off a good punt, but a good return gives Michigan decent field position with two minutes left. Can the defense actually come through or will this be an exact replica of the 2009 game in The Big House? I need a handful of Xanax washed down with a gallon of Makers Mark.
11:22 Third and 2. Please stop them. Please.
11:23 MANTI THROTTLES DENARD but he gets the first down by a nose.
11:24 First down Michigan at the 21-yard line.
11:25 Touchdown Michigan. I’m going to throw up. Michigan 28, Notre Dame 24. Let’s see what kind of winner you are Tommy. 1:12 left, one timeout.
11:26 Nothing gets me jacked up at a football game like Taio Cruze. See, this is why we need a jumbotron at ND! Because we need to blare DY-NO-MITE to jack up the students! God Michigan sucks.
11:27 Good return for Riddick gives the Irish the ball at the 39. COME ON IRISH.
11:28 First play is a pass interference on Michael Floyd. If he wouldn’t have been held that’s easily six points. Safety help? What’s that? Irish ball at the 46.
11:29 Great throw to Eifert. First down at the 34.
11:29 Quick throw to TJ Jones and out of bounds. 2nd and 5.
11:30 Incomplete with 36 seconds left. 3rd and 5.
11:31 TOUCHDOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNN IRRRRRRIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYYY MOTHER OF GOD, TOMMMMMYYYYY RREEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS TO THEO RIDDDICK!!!!!!!! REDEMPTION! EUPHORIA! I JUST RAN AROUND THE ROOM LIKE JIMMY V LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HUG!!!!
11:33 BRINDZA BOMBS IT OUT THE BACK OF THE ENDZONE. COME ON IRRRRRRRRIIISSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!
11:35 Michigan completes a bomb on second down. They’re in field goal range. I just swallowed my tongue.
11:37 Touchdown Michigan with two seconds left. Fade to black. I’m going to go kill myself now.