What Will Really Happen

Say what you will:

Penn State isn't a basketball school.

-A 2009 NIT championship, a 1954 Final Four appearance, and my enrollment say otherwise.

Talor Battle is undersized.

-Bill Raftery says, "He's got a big ticker!"

Penn State is looking ahead in this game.

-One game at a time, we're just focused on beating San Diego State.

Ed DeChellis is God-awful.

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For those that haven't been keeping up with the blog here, Penn State is playing Temple University in the 7 vs 10 game this Thursday at 2:00 pm. Mattare, myself, Mikey and special contributor Yack are all from the Lehigh Valley area. That's eastern PA for the Notre Dame fans wondering why they're reading this. Yack is an Owl alumnus after tricking the university into giving him a diploma.

I know pretty much everything about Temple basketball from how they form a lather train in the shower to demonstrate team unity, to the little known fact that Lavoy Allen likes to use nicknames like "Scootie Pahootie" and Jimmy "Hat" McDonnell to get them super psyched before games.

But the lather train stops here. The heroes of the hardwood have showed up to the dance, and we're intoxicated. Only the experts noticed the way we pacified Wisconsin in the Big Ten tournament, but soon the nation will know the sadistic brand of basketball Penn State has embraced as of late. No team can possibly have fun while playing the Nittany Lions. Just watching the games is as exhausting as running in sand. Couldn’t be more excited.

This game can’t really be described as the battle for Pennsylvania--Pitt has a #1 seed, and Bucknell has to be in that conversation too, no love for VillaNoFun (5 PA teams in the tourney, suck it Ohio.) When it boils down to it, this game is all about Yack and myself. Yack, The Eric Snow to my Allen Iverson, the Nate Dogg (RIP, you’re the greatest) to my Snoop Dogg, the hookers to my Charlie Sheen, wants to see his team step to MY team and win. Not going to happen.

Sorry buddy, but all the mini hot dogs, green bean casserole, burgers, cupcakes and cola that Mrs. Yack can conjure up won’t ease the pain of Talor Battle’s dagger three pointers from 25 feet. You might have to call in Mikey’s mom for some spaghetti pie after this one. We may have a pathetic fan base, but that’s because students are off enjoying all the cool free parties with dimes that Penn State has to offer. Unlike Temple where just to drink some keg beer, you have to first contribute to the house’s taquito fund. For shame!

Seriously if your Temple in this game don’t you ask the 5th graders that play at halftime if they want to switch opponents so they have a chance to win?

I propose that if Penn State wins, you will call Papa Johns in Orlando and have them deliver me a large supreme pizza. Pay with credit over the phone please. I look forward to Temple helping Penn State make history, and to signing the bill “Pete Lisicky.”